First Thing's First

All right, so.

The inspiration:

All the people who say "I'm doing/not doing/already did the college thing". I haven't yet. I am a recent graduate of a high school in Texas, where I spent two years feeling awkward and out of place and two years feeling like I was flying. Never would have thought it freshman year, but my senior year was the best of my life up to date. Now I'm headed off to school in less than two months, and I'm terrified.

The Situation (please, no Jersey Shore references...):

I am, as of today, officially going to a school that I...really don't want to go to.

The Story:

I was born an Aggie. My dad played on the 12th man football team at A&M, and went with them the year they won the Cotton Bowl. He even wears his Cotton Bowl Ring over his A&M ring most days, and if you know anything about Aggies you know that's a huge deal. I was less than a minute old when my dad and the husband of the doctor who delivered me inducted me into Aggie society with a rousing version of the Aggie War Hymn. I have pictures of me in my dad's Cotton Bowl bag as a baby, pictures of my family at A&M games growing up, and half of the A&M yells I knew as household phrases growing up (I actually didn't know that the horse laugh was an A&M thing until about a month and a half ago!). My brother graduated from A&M. I know this school very, very well for someone who has never spent much time on the A&M campus.

Now, you may think you know where this is going. You think that I'm upset because I'm not going to A&M this fall. You're wrong.

I'm upset because I am.

See, I got a little pretentious this year sending off applications to schools. I am officially an Ivy-League reject 3 times over, as well as being rejected from Stanford. I was waitlisted at University of Chicago and Rice, and I found out today that, officially, I am not headed to either this fall.

Which leaves A&M.

Now, don't get me wrong: I LOVE this school. A part of me will always be an Aggie. But actually go here? I don't think this is going to end up well, for two reasons.

1. I'm a theatre major. This is, after all, Texas A&M. Agriculture and Mechanics. In a school of 40,000, this is a department with 60 people. If I hate the theatre department, which I have no clue about yet since every time I've been here there's been very little information available and I can find no existing website for it, I'm screwed.

2. The sheer size of this school. 40,000 students??? The only reason I did so well my last two years of high school is that I did a program that separated 30 students almost entirely from the rest of the school. I don't know that I could have survived a high school of 500 without that program.

The Trial:

I'm starting this blog today as a record of this year; I'm going to consider it as a social experiment. I want to see if I can do this, 'this' being college. Obviously I'm terrified; I write a lot better than I speak, and for someone who's in theatre I'm almost painfully shy. If I fail, I'll figure out a solution somehow. If I succeed, then anyone can.

The Rules:

1. I will be replacing names to protect the fantastic (because if I'm wanting to use someone's name on here it's because they are amazing), and I will avoid saying even those if I can help it.
2. If you think you recognize yourself on here and you would like me to remove the content about you, just send me a private message and I'll take it off if you're right. If you're wrong, I'll inform you. Just don't kill the messenger.
3. I will be ruthlessly, ruthlessly honest. About myself and everyone around me. I'm writing this so that hopefully if anyone else is scared about heading into college, maybe what I have to say can help. Not like I'm anyone wise and special; I'm just a normal girl, trying to get by. If I can do it, I promise you, ANYONE can.

If anything else comes up, I'll deal with it then. But as of right now, this is how it stands:

I am headed to Texas A&M this fall, and I am going to try and make this work.

Wish me luck.