But, that's not going to happen tonight, because it's 4 minutes until 2 A.M., so I should sleep at some point. I just want to get on here and talk for a few minutes.
I just finished the new episode of Glee earlier, the one where Kurt's dad has a heart attack. Heartbreaking episode.
Today was a pretty emotional day. I'll get into this in more detail when I actually manage to write an update, but I'm working with Tim Miller this week through a workshop he's running. There's 23 of us working, and it's really been an amazing experience. There's still 2 more days left, too!
Anyway, point being. This hasn't really been all that easy for me. You know how I made that big long spiel about how I was going to try and let go of my fear and yada yada yada back at fish camp and blah blah blah it's been better, and yeah. That's great. And it's true. I actually talk to people! Hoorah! Miracles do happen. I'm still utterly terrified of stepping onto the damn stage, though. I realized that when I did my first performance in class. I couldn't quit shaking. So today, in one of the exercises we've been doing, I started talking about how afraid I am of performing. When we actually did the performance...damn, that was the strongest work I've done in years! And I KNOW that! I started crying towards the end of it. I don't want to go into too much detail on these workshops--these aren't my stories to tell--but I can tell my own, at least. This week has not been easy for me. I've done more acting exercises this week than I've done in years. Usually I am so glad to be off the stage when I'm done. Well, I say usually, although that's only really popped up the last couple of years. Honestly, that's only popped up since I started making really good friends. I don't understand why it's gotten progressively harder for me to stand up onstage in the spotlight as the years went by. It's not just the stage, either, it's the classroom--I don't raise my hand to be called on, I don't want to answer questions. It's so much harder lately than it ever has been in my life. So, in some ways this week has been so terrifying. I kept wanting to drop out, actually, but somehow I've stuck it out this far...and I can't quit now, because we have our title and the show is set and...well, I can't back out now.
So. Broken is Better: 23 Aggies Can't Be Wrong. This Friday at 8 o'clock. I'm taking a leap and actually telling people I knew. Who knows if anyone will actually come, but I'm challenging myself and spreading the word.
All my life I've wanted to make a difference in the world. Lately (these past 3 days) I've started to realize that I can't do that if I'm afraid to speak.
These late night ramblings probably aren't the smartest thing in the world, but I needed to get this out. Oh, and if you've never heard the song, try and listen. Hope you enjoy.
Signing off, this is Kat...still afraid, but trying harder now.
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