When bad things happen...write it out.

Jesus, tonight sucked.

The day was ok. I found out there's a guy I met at fish camp who's apparently in my Poli Sci class. He came vaulting over the seats, and I basically had the reaction of "What the--oh, it's you. Hello." You know this guy, it seems normal. I'm happy though, it's one of my biggest classes and it'll be nice to have someone I know in there.

Basically the only good thing that happened today. I had to pick up more books...and I'm getting up at 6 tomorrow to catch up on my reading. I have auditions tomorrow, and I'm dead nervous about it. Oh, and I'm on a liquid diet because the only things readily available that I know I can have are liquid.

I hate life sometimes though. A friend and I went to the Freudian Slip improv troupe auditions tonight. Let's start with getting there. They gave me a slip of paper at Open House telling me that auditions are from 8-11 in Read 162 (under Kyle Field). Those exact words. Thank you for the help. My friend and I start wandering around the stadium, me with visions of chainsaw-wielding serial killers jumping out at every opportunity, him laughing at my random screams of "WHAT THE #@$% WAS THAT, HOLY !@$@# *&%!&#^!!!!!". The fact that I've been catching up on classic horror films wasn't helping the matter. So, I'm wigging out. He is being less than supportive. We have no IDEA where we are going. 45 minutes later, we are 3/4 of the way around. I hear a familiar voice. It's one of my co-chair. I scream his name in relief. I think I scare the hell out of him. However, he is nice enough to point us in the right direction without even making fun of me. My 'friend', apparently, gets his kicks from making fun of everyone we meet. I am pissed by his reaction the second my incredibly nice co-chair walks away. I'm starting to thing this friendship may not work out.

Anyway. So, with my co-chairs help, we find the freaking place. Another 5 minutes later and we find our way to the right room, after wandering the building and asking some random person working there for directions. We walk into the room, and sit down quietly, because there are people performing.

Before we continue, I want to make something clear. He went to audition. I went to sign up for tech. Because that's what they told me to do, right? Show up after auditions were over and sign up. Four different people told me this. I get there, and they tell me they want me to try and audition.

To be fair, they told me they understood if I was bad, that they knew I just wanted to help out, that I would not be judged on my improv skills. It doesn't matter. Some of you guys have seen me improv. You KNOW how bad it is. For the safety of those around me, its a good idea for me to stay away from it. Hell, I had people ask me NOT to partake in improv games, it was so dangerous.

Why couldn't they just be up front about this little fact? They may not think its a big deal, but it is. It really, really is. I try and improv in front of these people, I will never be able to show my face around them again. It's that bad. I cannot, CANNOT do this, is my first reaction.

So, I did what any sensible person would do: I left.

Not for good; I just needed to clear my mind, process this new information. One of the guys told me I could come back on Wednesday if I changed my mind. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, it doesn't seem worth it. On the other, I feel like I'm just being a coward.

I am literally sick to my stomach over this. Well, maybe that's partly the Odwalla, but still. What am I supposed to do? This is supposed to be fun. And yet all I feel is miserable.

Time for bed, I suppose. I'll sleep on the question. I have until Wednesday to decide.

Until then, this is Kat...uneasy and unhappy, for the first time since coming here. Wish me luck, and send me love, please.